Awful Jokes

Jokes donated or written by our staff and customers that are neither seasonal or necessarily funny.

A piece of string walks into a pub, Landlord said “ Are you the same piece of string that came in last night ?” No I’m a frayed knot ! (Thanks John - not his real name)

Two Drummers Daughters Hanna 1, Hanna 2

What do you call a fish with no eye ??  Fsh

The new pope is crazy about cats, I know that because I read he was a cataholic.

I'm into snail racing.. my mate said if I took the shell off it would go faster. If anything it was more Sluggish...

Ship carrying blue paint collides with ship carrying red paint - yes, both crews are believed to be marooned..

I used to be in a pop group called the Hinges.... We wern't bad, at our peak we supported the Doors..

I was photographed with R.E.M. the other week.... That's me in the corner..

I went to the fridge to get out some Evaporated milk. I opened the tin and it was gone.

What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario 

Nail Salons, hair salons, waxing centres and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there

Terrible news from the North Sea - Cargo Ship carrying Yo yo's from China sank..... 15 times.

Is a fake Noodle an impasta ?

Stationary shop - Moves

Buddist to hot dog seller - Make me one with everything

Tin man run over by Steam Roller - Curses Foil again

Line of Rabbits running backwards - Receeding Hare line.

What to you call a woman with only one leg -  Eileen

Apology written in dots and dashes - Re Morse Code

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows way too high - She looked at me all surprised

Forest Gumps' Password  - 1Forest1

Bought my wife a fridge for Christmas - Can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it

Scientists reveal why Ants dont get Coronovirus - too many Antibodies.

I sued the airport for loosing my luggage, needless to say, I lost my case

My Journalist friend wrote a recipe book recently - It was useless, he never revealed his sauces.

What did the puppy want to be when he grew up ? - A barkiologist

How do coffe beans say goodbye? - See you later percolator.

When a Goldfish gets old does it loose its G ?

I just saw Roy Rogers driving his Audi Partner

Is a talkative chineese chef a Jabber Wocky ?

My friends John & Julie Amanger have had a son, they've called him Wayne..

Is a hiding a bell you just can't reach ?

Is an Antelope to run off with your mum's sister?

If you disappear are you being rude to a Lord ?

Is an Implication a cream for sick elves ?

Is a Wallaby an aspiring Kangaroo ?

I used to have a fear of Speed Bumps - But Im slowly getting over it..

Dom is starting a chewingum recylcing business he needs a little help to get it off the ground.

My mate has done really well as a tree surgeon - he now has branches everywhere.

A friend of mine is addicted to brake fluid, he denies it, he says he can stop anytime.


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