CHRISTMAS CRACKER JOKES


Jokes donated or written by our staff and customers that are neither seasonal or necessarily funny, but will probably appear in the Christmas Hampers anyway..


I'm into snail racing.. my mate said if I took the shell off it would go faster. If anything it was more Sluggish...

I used to be in a pop group called the Hinges.... We wern't bad, at our peak we supported the Doors..

I was photographed with R.E.M. the other week.... That's me in the corner..

My wife just called she was fuming. Someone stole her knickers off the washing line.. She's not worried about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.

I went to the fridge to get out some Evaporated milk. I opened the tin and it was still there.

What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario 

Nail Salons, hair salons, waxing centres and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there

Terrible news from the North Sea - Cargo Ship carrying Yo yo's from China sank..... 15 times.

Is a fake Noodle an impasta ?

Stationary shop - Moves

Buddist to hot dog seller - Make me one with everything

Tin man run over by Steam Roller - Curses Foil again

Line of Rabbits running backwards - Receeding Hare line.

What to you call a woman with only one leg -  Eileen

Apology written in dots and dashes - Re Morse Code

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows way too high - She looked at me all surprised

Forest Gumps' Password  - 1Forest1

Moses makes tea ? - He Brews

Bought my wife a fridge for Christmas - Can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it

19 and 20 got in a fight. 21

Male Ants don't sink - They are Bouyant

Scientists reveal why Ants dont get Coronovirus - too many Antibodies.

I sued the airport for loosing my luggage, needless to say, I lost my case

My Journalist friend wrote a recipe book recently - It was useless, he never revealed his sauces.

Is the smartest worker at the dockyard the guy with the biggest cranium

What did the puppy want to be when he grew up ? - A barkiologist

How do coffe beans say goodbye? - See you later percolator.

When a Goldfish gets old does it loose its G ?

I just saw Roy Rogers driving his Audi Partner

Is a talkative chineese chef a Jabber Wocky ?

My friends John & Julie Amanger have had a son, they've called him Wayne Amanger..

Is a hiding a bell you just cant reach ?

Is an Antelope to run off with your mum's sister?

If you disappear are you being rude to a Lord ?

Is an Implication a cream for sick elves ?

Is a Wallaby an aspiring Kangaroo ?

I used to have a fear of Speed Bumps - But Im slowly getting over it..

My mate has done really well as a tree surgeon - he now has branches everywhere.


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